January, 2023. Under the guidance of Mikel Arteta and his DOF, Edu, Arsenal have risen to the top of the premiership table. But despite this Lazarus-type resurrection nobody at the club was taking anything for granted. The intensity of competition amongst England’s elite clubs was reflected by the awareness amongst Arsenal’s leaders that this was no time for self congratulation. Instead, the opening of the transfer window presented the club with an opportunity to strengthen a squad that many felt would not last the distance against the two Manchester giants and a growing threat in England’s North East.
It was under these circumstances that the People Responsible for Arsenal’s Transfer Strategy (P.R.A.T.S) assembled in the pristine and hallowed surroundings of Arsenal’s boardroom.
As the scene unfolds before us, a clearly upset and emotional Mikel Arteta is standing before the others, demanding answers. The intensity of his emotional trauma is clearly evident in the two hairs above his left ear which are no longer perfectly aligned with the rest. The Arsenal manager is incandescent with rage.
MA: I will ask you this one more time and one more time only. How the fuck did we lose him?
(There is a palpable silence as Arteta slowly shifts his gaze from one person to another, daring them to speak yet challenging them not to. Only goalkeeping coach Inaki Cana returns his stare though in truth it isn’t clear if he even sees Arteta from behind his dark shades. The silence grows in tandem with the manager’s rage)
And not just lose him, but lose him to those chav bast*rds! What the fuck do they have to offer that we don’t? I mean am I missing something here? (Turns to his assistant manager Steve Round) Steve, who’s top of the league?
SR: We are boss.
MA: Exactly! And Edu who plays attractive football with an attacking and vibrant style?
Edu: (nervously) We do boss?
MA: Exactly!
(Edu wipes his brow and smiles in relief)
MA: (turns to chairman and son of owner Josh Kroenke) And Josh, who’s offering this Ukranian kid a chance to play in London and earn more money that he can dream of?
JK: Chelsea.
MA: No! No!! No!!! (starts jumping up and down while somehow simultaneously beating his fists on the table) We are! We’re top dogs in London now! He should have joined us! (An accusing look appears in his eyes once more) Something smells fishy here.
IC: (Defensively) It can be difficult for the visually impaired to maintain a regular bathing routine you know.
MA: (slowly, menacingly) I was referring to the failed transfer. Somebody here is keeping secrets. (once again his icy stare sweeps across the room, withering all in it’s wake, uncovering the most deeply buried skeletons.. one by one each member succumbs to Arteta’s power)
SR: It was just once boss and I swear the doctor told me the stockings would improve my circulation.
IC: It was a freezing winter that year, sheep can bring great warmth to a bed.
RG: You don’t understand, I had been a very, very bold boy, I HAD to be punished.
(Watching in horrified awe Josh Kroenke hurriedly whispers to Edu)
JK: For the love of God, tell him. If he turns that look on me who knows what I might say? Twins don’t have to be two girls, I mean, who knew?
Edu: (Equally uncomfortable) You’re right. The time has come. (in saying this Edu looks directly at a painting on the wall of legendary Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger and with an almost imperceptible nod he sends a signal that had long been planned. Turning to Arteta he addresses him with gentle but firm words)
Mikel, there is something we need to tell you. I think you should sit down.
MA: Not you as well, you sound like that c*nt Richard Keys. I can’t sit down for 90 minutes and still look this good (he lifts his t-shirt to reveal chiselled abs) Those carbs aren’t going to burn themselves you know.
Edu: I’m not talking about during the game, I mean now. You should sit down now.
JK: Yeah Mike, we gotta talk. Pops sent Ricky (points to Stan Kroenke’s lawyer Richard Garlick) over here a few months ago with some pretty bad news. We didn’t have the heart to tell you.
MA: Tell me? Tell me what?
JK: It’s gone Mike.
MA: Gone? What’s gone?
Edu: (wearily) The money. The blank cheques. The magic porridge pot.
JK: Pops has pulled the plug on the unlimited funding. He was, like, bummed. Kept talking about profits and sustainability and shit. Kept going on about Arsenal being a business. Weird shit I tell you. I tried to explain that this (expands both arms to take in his surroundings) is a football club not a business but he wouldn’t see sense. Man was tripping.
MA: (speaking slowly, an air of disbelief resonating with every word) So what happens when I give multi million contracts to players like Aubameyang and Willian and then decide I don’t like them anymore? Surely I can just pay them to fuck off?
RG: Mr Kroenke was clear. You’re not to do that anymore.
MA: What?? (becoming angry) Does he think I’m bloody clairvoyant? How am I meant to know if these players are going to be worth the money or not?
JK: (soothingly) We know Mike, it’s madness.
MA: (unmoved by the solace on offer) And how the hell does he think I’m going to continue developing this team if I’m not given hundreds of millions each year to buy new players?
Edu: (visibly moved) It’s cruel, we know.
MA: And what about project youth? Did you explain to him how I have given away our team for a pittance and replaced them with expensive young players? Surely he sees the value in this?
JK: I’m afraid not Mike. He said that people who unearth diamonds don’t do it by walking into High Street shops and offering even more money than the robbing jewellers are already charging.
MA: (confused) What does that even mean?
Edu: (hands spread wide) Fu*ked if I know.
RG: (Coughing softly) Ah gentlemen, if I may? Mr Kroenke has been most clear. You are free to spend the proceeds of any player sales that you complete but you will be expected to limit your spending in future to money generated from the club’s incomes. However as a gesture of good faith he has instructed me to forward you the sum of £40 million pounds to help with the purchase of any targets you may have.
MA: (Optimistically) £40 million? (looks to Edu) How much can we raise in sales?
Edu: (Takes out a pocket calculator and with professional intensity casts his tongue out of the side of his mouth and begins mumbling) Let me see, sale of Leno…Guendouzi…Bellerin…Auba… (his muttering becomes inaudible as all present strain to hear him. Finally, triumphantly, he finishes and declares) £21 million!!
MA: (appeased) Ok then, we combine the two and we have £61 million to play with. We can do something with that.
Edu: (Embarrassed) Eh, not exactly boss. £21 million is what we have left over from the £40 million gift. By the time we pay Ozil’s wage and Auba’ ‘going away’ gift it’s all we’ll have left.
MA: £21 fucking million. What the fuck are we going to get for that? I spend more than that in one year on Carribean Seaweed Eyebrow nourisher. We’re ruined. (As he speaks the following lines he slowly folds in upon himself until he finishes on his knees, head bowed) My dream of proving to the world that I could take a team of expensively assembled misfits and by casting them aside at great cost and replacing them with a team costing hundreds and hundreds of millions I could somehow build this club a better football team is over. (With theatrical reflection) Little Arsenal in the champions league. Perhaps I dreamed too big.
Edu: (whispering and elbowing JK simultaneously) Tell him!
JK: (A little too loudly) No fucking way man, you tell him!
MA: (Rising up from the floor) Tell me what? Tell me what???
RG: If I may? Mikel, Mr Kroenke is nothing if not an astute businessman. He anticipated some months back that his new fiscal policy would cause you some…difficulty. He was also aware that the January transfer window would prove an unsettling time for you given your…fondness…for parting with his money. As such, some months back he took steps to find support for you during this period of policy transition.
MA: (a mixture of suspicion and anger in his voice) Support? What kind of support??
RG: (Remaining perfectly composed) Mr Kroenke thought it prudent for the club to seek the services of a man experienced in the area of financial conservatism…for the time being at least.
(With almost impeccable timing a knock is heard at the door which slowly opens, drawing the eyes of everyone present. Slowly, magnificently, the unmistakable figure of Arsene Wenger, resplendent in a long puffer Arsenal parka enters the room, a man whose very presence seemed to radiate command. He turned and smiled in his own inimitable manner, his lips never parting as he beamed his hellos. The reaction of those present varied from shock to outright elation. Hands immediately reached for zippers as a homage to this footballing God, but a raised grey eyebrow was enough to warn them against revealing their identity in this company. Arteta however, having been momentarily dumbstruck, began to struggle to verbalise his thoughts).
MA: What the ..who.. why? What is he doing here?
AW: Mikel, you must not look on me as a threat to your reign here. I have merely returned to offer you my support and what little wisdom I can to guide you through these difficult times. But I can assure you the reins of power are still firmly in your hands (as he speaks he ushers a cowering Josh Kroenke from his seat at the head of the table and seamlessly replaces him in the chair). I will be a mere shadow, only appearing when called upon.
MA: (Pointing at Wengers jacket where the word B.O.S.S has been sewn in large letters in the left corner.) What the hell is that then?
AW: (Points to jacket) This? Why, this is merely a reflection of my new role as Bestower of Special Services. Think nothing of it.
MA: (Unamused. Looks at the others in the room) And I suppose you all knew of this before me?
JK: (Speaking quickly, attempting to mitigate the damage) Only out of necessity Mikel. You were so busy with the team. And Arsene has already had some fantastic ideas which have helped us enormously.
MA: (Still annoyed) Already? What do you mean already?
AW: Mikel, we are on the same side you and I. The fans, they love you. We must not risk that.
MA: (Arteta, his ego stroked, responds more willingly) Well, what do you suggest?
AW: We must put our faith in FFP.
MA: (disconsolately) Financial Fair Play is a myth, a joke. Pep used to laugh at it all the time. It won’t help us.
AW: What is this financial fair play you speak of? I am referring to a plan I created almost twenty years ago…Feigning Financial Power.
MA: (Showing interest) How does it work?
AW: (Smiling as he recognises his influence growing) Oh, it’s quite simple really. We leak word to the press of our interest in all the top players, we even go so far as to bid outrageous sums of money for them.
MA: (Beginning to understand) So the fans will think we are dining at the top table?
AW: Of course. Ronaldo, Ibrahimovic, Benzema, Hazard, Mbappe. I have ‘courted’ them all.
MA: (slowly realising the truth) So it was you who gave the green light for the 90 million Mudryk package? But you never intended paying a penny did you?
AW: Of course not. I wouldn’t pay that for a small country.
MA: But what would you have done if the offer was accepted?
AW: (smiling) Simple. Insult the player with a ridiculously low wage offer.
MA: And if that doesn’t work?
AW: Then I make a call from line 3 in the manager’s office.
MA: (Confused) line 3?
AW: It’s bugged. Every word I say is heard by the top brass at Chelsea.
MA: (Scratching his head) Then why use it?
AW: Because I tell them what I WANT them to hear. (Chuckling) I’ve had great fun over the years. I rang David Dein one day begging him to buy Adrian Mutu, said he was going to replace Thierry (starts giggling at his own joke). Or the time I rang Gerry Peyton and told him to scout Kepa, said he was the next Casillas! (Lost in thought) Funny thing was Gerry agreed… I still don’t remember telling him about the ruse. (Shakes his head). Of course Alex was in on it too. They had his office bugged as well. We still laugh about the time he rang me ‘desperately’ trying to offload Juan Sebastian Veron before Chelsea came sniffing. (starts guffawing at the memory) He was in a Chelsea kit before the week was out!!
MA: So you orchestrated this entire Mudryk saga?
AW: (Steepling his fingers together and slowly peering over the top of them). But of course.
MA: And the fans believe we really tried to buy him but we’re gazumped by Chelsea or rejected by a greedy player?
AW: Precisely.
MA: But the fans? They’ll still want fresh blood.
AW: We then move to phase 2. Have you a crowd favourite who has been out injured for a while?
MA: (thinking) Well there is Smith Rowe.
AW: Wonderful. Reintroduce him at the end of some meaningless match. Announce his return as better than a new signing.
MA: The fans will buy that?
AW: (eyes glittering) Absolutely.
MA: Then what?
AW: Phase 3, Misdirection. Take the high ground. Start talking about ‘The Arsenal Way’. ‘We don’t buy superstars we make them’. That kind of nonsense. Just keep pointing at City and Chelsea for long enough that the fans forget that your team cost the same to assemble as a NASA space shuttle while your mistakes cost more than Jurgen Klopp’s dental bill. Let jealousy of our rivals be your ally.
MA: (delighted) This could really work!
AW: Believe it my friend. And then finally stage 4. The gift.
MA: The gift?
AW: Yes. Having destroyed the supporters levels of expectation you can then present them with literally any piece of shite and they will fall over themselves in gratitude. (Starts chuckling at the memory) I remember one year I has convinced the fanbase we couldn’t afford petrol for the lawnmower. When I presented them with 3 of the worst players I’ve ever signed the fans hailed me as a messiah! Santos, Park and (Suddenly realises what he’s about to say)… and… and it’s guaranteed to work.
MA: (Feels like he’s missed something but is unwilling to admit it) Ok then. I’m in. But I’m warning you, I won’t broker the slightest undermining of my authority.
JK: Absolutely Mikel. You are king of all you survey, no-one doubts that. Nothing will change. Nothing at all.
AW: (humbly) Mikel, you won’t even know I’m here.
(At this all rise and Arteta and Wenger move towards the door)
Edu: Goodbye boss.
MA and AW simultaneously: Goodbye.
[Satire] is a collection of brilliance from one of our readers Almuniasaynomore, who can be seen lurking in comments often. This section tries to have a laugh at expense of some.
If you feel offended, remember, they’re just jokes. We’re all gonna die soon and there’s no football in hell or heaven, so remember that.
Feedbacks are welcome in the comments!
TRVL, you’re probably right in suggesting the past has a bearing on how I view this window. I acknowledged the same higher up.
Having said that, Chelsea aside, and I think that’s going to be a mess, I think our squad and TW are still tops
Every team has supporters having kittens over their TWs right now. We’re not unique. The consensus seems to be that it’s been quietly effective. I don’t want to bash Edu and Tets over a TW that I think, wasn’t a bad one. The lack of major coups or headline makers points as much to how good our squad is now, credit to the management. Not many attainable players would really improve us, attainable ones, in the real world not fantasy football.
I’ve had to swallow my hostility to Arteta because things have improved. I can’t get angry over stuff they didn’t do in this window because in essence, getting ripped off for Mudryk and Caicedo would have also pissed me off.
Whoever they brought in wasn’t going to be as good as Partey or Saka or Martinelli. Not Caicedo, not Mudryk, 160m on back ups would be insanity and probably leave us short come July and then we’d bitch more. No doubt Trossard and Jorge were the plan B if plan A didn’t work. I don’t think the drop from A to B is that sharp and the stats bear this out. Of course we have to judge them in May as we’re used to saying, it would be the same for Caicedo and Mudryk. They were far from certs for success in my view but I cant say that buying a proven winner is a sign of low ambition.
This is a far different window from prev days. We’re coming into this one looking for top ups rather than repairs, a luxury we haven’t had much of in recent history. My preferred 11 would still be the 11 who usually start, and that would be the same even if we had bought our plan As
Aitcho—there’s no doubting that other fanbases will be on the proverbial warpath about their respective TWs, what makes our situation particularly unique is our unquestionably poor record when it comes to our management of transfer windows, especially those of the winter variety, for the better part of two decades
under Wenger, there seemed to be two inevitable possibilities, either nothing of consequence happened, under the guise of a supposed lack of qualified applicants, or we seemingly threw some random names in a hat then obtained the nonsensical player chosen…whereas under Arteta, we’ve talked the talk, but failed to walk the walk…the very fact that this has happened two years running suggests one of two things, either our intentions are pure but our business accumen is shamefully inept or these were merely ruses meant to deceive a traditionally gullible fanbase, as this tactic was used on countless occasions during Wenger’s post-Dein era
regardless of which is closer to the truth, the fact that we’ve neither “properly” redressed our most immediate concerns or better ensured our future success, speaks volumes about what appears to be the continuance of a rather tragic legacy…just once I would love to be surprised by our organizational pursuits and by that I don’t mean our imaginary ones, but the ones that actually land us a seminal player…just imagine how hearts would race and confidence would soar if we landed someone befitting of a team who once battled for titles on a per annum basis and who was looking to restore our pre-Emirates dominance…I really don’t think that’s an unreasonable expectation for one of the richest teams in the world…after all, wasn’t that the very basis for the building of the Emirates in the first place LOL
as for any speculative claims about whether or not we would have been paying above the number for either Mudryk or Caicedo, only time will tell, but keep in mind that the same individuals you’re applauding for their transactional guile, were the exact same people who vigorously pursued the players in question and supposedly offered the same amount as Chelsea for Mudryk, but simply had more problematic payment stipulations, and were willing to come up only 5 or so million short of their Caicedo demands…so you can’t have your cake and eat it too
here’s hoping all of this will be a moot point come season’s end and our presumptive League title will make it infintely easier to lure those of consequence to the Emirates
Just to add to the positivity here here’s a golden nugget from the Mirror Sport:
“Reims recovered from two goals down after Balogun found the net three times at the Stade Auguste-Delaune II. The 21-year-old has now scored 14 Ligue 1 goals this term – making him the top scorer in the division ahead of Kylian Mbappe, Neymar and Lionel Messi.”
I’ve always fancied Bolagun over Eddie, but also wanted to see them play together in a run of games.
Bolagun was my tip to bring back for the remaining games. Clearly, he’s found his way in France being top scorer, and, as with Saliba now needs testing in the PL.
How will Arteta deal with Bolagun? I wanted him back before the TW: ditto Patino.
It’s clear Bolagun is going to be a very good if not top striker. I didn’t say elite as he’s not run-of-games PL tested yet. However, there is nothing to suggest Bolagun won’t make it at the highest level if being the current top scorer in the French league is anything to go by.
Cheque-Book Charlie Arteta worries me with our youth. Bolagun and Patino will be ready to start their integration this summer or before if injuries dictate where no doubt Arteta will have other ideas, as he morphs more into Pep mk II.
Really hope I’m wrong, as both players are pulling up trees on their respective loans, but then so did Saliba. If you’re seriously excelling in the Farmer’s league, it’s a good bet you’d succeed in our PL, isn’t it?
Problem is I don’t like Arteta as a man/person. Never have. I don’t like his narcissistic (demi god) like ways, and more importantly his treatment of others with the one rule for him and another for a different person: Willian as a perfect example. Guendouzi is another who later was professionally managed and is now a France International and club captain.
What then can we expect from Arteta with our future Hale Enders? Bolagun, Patino & perhaps Azeez will bear witness to Arteta’s youth integration template if there is such a thing.
The thing is managing egos, personalities, mental health and their general motivation by way of targets for all aspects of their game requires a very skilled manager and including senior suits keeping in touch at ground lever. After all top down management went out in the 90s generally.
Maybe someone should give Arteta Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ as somewhere to start because it looks like Mikel completely misunderstood The Art of War by Sun Tzu or just hasn’t read such influential reads because He knows best just look at his playing career highlight.
Reading about Bolagun triggered my mind towards our future for further seasons more than our imminent last 19 PL games kicking off at Everton; our current squad has been set. It also made me wonder had we brought Bolagun and Patino back after the New Year games our window might have been planned and executed differently.
Hi K’phobe
I have some disturbing news well it’s more pitiful for Pumpkin than us really because today he’s losing his crown jewels and my daughter is going to Taiwan for 4 days to get over it with her 2 closest friends. Apparently, it’s all done locally at a cat hotel with resident vet and animal phycologist who didn’t know who Dr. Dolittle was when asked.
I guess there is an upside to this as there’ll be no more territorial leg spraying and I guess when I go outside at night there won’t be the usual dozen or so pairs of green eyes staring at me from a distance in the pitch black collectively sniffing Pumkin’s aromatic pungency wafting their way.
Of course the big question is “is a nutless Pumpkin still up to being our winning mascot?”.
Look this is a bit raw for me because I’ve had 2 vasectomies and one reversal. The last vasectomy they had to get my wife in the operating room because I was was in so much pain I was trying to kill the Thai surgeon who didn’t speak English, but that’s another story for another day. Considering what he had in his hands it wasn’t my wisest move at the time, but severe pain is something I’m allergic to and turns me green.
You may be wondering why my daughter is going to Taiwan when there are war maneuvers close to becoming the real thing? I asked the same thoughts to my ENT Dr whose daughter is one of the 3 going. She said what can we do? There are dangers where ever we go these days. I reminded her they were going to sample the local cuisine and see the country in that order. They are big foodies but never get fat.
I told my 24 yo daughter if she hears so much as a car back firing head for the airport and get the fcuk out of Dodge.
Back to football how quick did City and Manure sort out their unexpected high quality player replacements? Can we learn something from that with Squad management particularly with player recruitment? Probably not.
Pep does it right. Look at how he and the club handled Cancelo. Done and dusted in a couple of days. No cancerous festering in the dressing room and training ground.
That said it’s going to be a very good feeling handing Pep runner up medals if we can pull off the title.
Every game is a cup final from here on in and spare a thought for a cute 18 month old Pumpkin.
This is about Pumpkin, our loyal, young and once horny mascot.
Tony
Very entertaining piece indeed . Tongue-in-cheek humour. Maybe AlumiasnoMore sprayed some inspiration your way , in case you are in England these days..
Yep Sidpoupulous Longstaff tales
😂
Tony
I’ll come onto all the erudite stuff that you and the others have posted which is really thought-provoking.
The first thing I want to talk about is pumpkin’s pelotas. Are you sure the timing is right given a the good luck he’s bringing us? Can you ask the pet hotel (? – we still rather prosaically call them vets in the UK, although I gather Premier Inn now offer free castrations if you stay two nights) to give you his knackers in jam jar of formaldehyde or vinegar? The only reason I ask is because I’m concerned his good luck powers thus far might be diminished if his spuds are, ahem, harvested. IF his nuts are separated AND we beat Everton, then contents of said jam jar can be flushed away or put in perspex and used as a cattybollox paperweight?
Just a word of warning: neutered cats (and men for that matter) can be pretty ‘testesty’ afterwards so give him some distance. I can otherwise imagine him sitting on your lap and exacting revenge just as TP blasts one in on Saturday from 25 yards. Your very own vasectomy vicissitudes had me wincing and laughing in equal measure. Like something from a carry-on film. Carry on emasculating!
I’m unfamiliar with the current tensions in Taiwan but I think your daughter and her mates will be fine on a quick visit. Just ask her not to mention Chairman Mao or say anything rude about Chiang Kai Shek and she’ll be fine. I reckon both sides (and good old Uncle Sam) are serious but it’s still at the sabre rattling stage. I guess your daughter is multinational – it’d be a good precaution to have the phone number of the Embassy for whichever passport she’s travelling on plus a photocopy of the data page of her passport kept separate from the original.
Looking forward to hearing about your, junior’s, pumpkin’s and the jar’s thoughts after Everton.
Some good thoughts here following the conclusion of the TW. The one major plus is that I doubt these signings have disrupted team harm to any extent. None of the existing bunch can have any serious disquiet about who we’ve signed. Martinelli and Ode will benefit from Trossard’s skill and energy, and Partey will possibly be quietly appreciative of little George providing occasional stability and cover in the middle. Holding could be looking over his shoulder at Kiwior but you could argue that the writing us on the wall for the man with the miraculously rejuvenated barnet anyway. I’m tipping Trossard to score against the Toffees this weekend along with GabMag and Eddie in a 3-1 win.
Harm = Harmony
Hoopah
Hiya mate. Before he explodes in a ball of nationalistic rage (he won’t by the way, he’s far too cool). Almunia plys his trade from Ireland. I think he’ll be tickled to be considered as being based in England.😁 I’m English but live in Wales which makes life properly dangerous for me with the 6 nations Rugby coming up. Even though I’m a Scotland fan. All very confusing and tribal. I know Killroy is a big fan but does rugby get any coverage in India? Kabadi with a big leather egg!
I like the stuff that Sid produces on LG. Sharp, witty and never takes himself too seriously. I once had a really good conversation with him about Nigerian music (which is where I think he is based). He often runs rings around the sycophants.
@KP
Same here I love to see Scotland take the Calcutta Cup on Saturday. The team has Finn as #10 and if he is on his best it should be a cracking game. Want to see Duhan racing down the sides for a try.
After that it is the Irish for me and a few players I like from club rugby LRZ for Wales and some of the French players it will be a cracking few weekends for me. Fortunately in the US sixmas is on Peacock streaming which also has the EPL.. England v Scotland on at 11:45am EST.
I am quite calm coming out of the Jan TW and think we should have the players to win the title. Besides that here are a few additional wishes of mine, FFC beating or tying the Chavs tomorrow. Man Utd beating Barca in the EL playoffs February 15th they deserve the same destiny as the Chavs. Just because the players Todd Bitch bought did well in their respective clubs doesn’t mean they will have an impact this or next season for them, look at Darwin Nunez, maybe in 2 or 3 years or a different manager.
Finally football matches are won by teams not individual star players, PSG couldn’t beat Bayern with all their star power. Also look at what Ten Hag has done in such a short time at Man Utd vs Tets and the years at AFC. My 1st choice was always Ten Hag & Overmars at AFC, but that will never happen now taking their present situations in account.
Hi Hoopah, happy you took the levity intended and appreciate your enjoyment comments.
I like Sid; always have done. Highly intelligent and funny as, where his hubris with his longstaff is something legends are made of. Sid and I have had some funny interjections, as well as spit-your-morning-coffee-out full on banter.
In short, Sid gets my respect especially when he rankles Bob N16 so much he wobbles on the fence that is when he’s not sniping at others, as one of Pedro Pete’s anti slander brigade.
I can’t make out whether Sid’s a shaman or porn star. He could always be both, of course. NO, not a religious dick!!! I meant a spiritual long staff sex movie star. I sure Sid would appreciate the latter billing.
Must be tough for Sid’s longstaff to find such cavernous entrances to enter. Made me think of a girl I was having sex with and she said, “ouch take your ring off”. I told her i wasn’t wearing a ring and that it was my watch.” Sid’s kind of girl I would imagine.
Of course we don’t know Sid’s preference between males and females or whatever pronoun he’d use. It matters not. Sid’s cool in my book.
K’phobe, thanks for that riposte, junior and I had tears running laughing so much.
K’phobe & Killroy-TM, can’t wait for the 6 Nations at the weekend. Such an important mental 6 Nations in world cup year to lay your marker down. Being half Scottish it’s win win for me, but I’ve always favoured England.
I don’t know how you both feel, but I think France will win both competitions, such has been their momentum over the past 4 years. If they can keep their discipline with keeping the free kicks tally below 12 each game and little or no sin bin, they have a huge shout.
Either way February is crammed full of important sporting fixtures for us to enjoy.
As for Everton, I’m just hoping Dyche doesn’t have the time to imprint his dark arts practices. I see a 3:1 win to us, ,too. More importantly no long term injuries because Everton is about to become the old Stoke style of football Pulis, Fat Sam and Dyche were well known for.
What odds for a red card for an Everton player?
I’m likewise concerned about the potential for a knock or two on this road trip against a manager looking to put his stamp on a struggling squad…let’s hope that this will be much more of a parked bus affair, as Dyche hasn’t had enough time to reinvent their tactical wheel…I wouldn’t be surprised if they showed some defensive resolve in the first 45, then conceded a couple after the break, which enabled us to leave town with 2-1 victory and all 3 points…what we can’t do is take this opponent lightly, as this could quite easily become a banana skin game…minus our last encounter, we’ve struggled against Everton and Dyche-led squads, even when we were the surperior team on paper
France are definitely favorites as they ended 2022 as the only men’s Tier 1 nation to record a 100% win rate, winning each of their 10 fixtures including a grand slam in the 2022 Six Nations. France are the current favorites to lift the Rugby World Cup this year having won their last 13 international matches – their best-ever run in Test rugby.
However the France Six Nations team will be without several excellent injured players, including center Jonathan Danty, hooker Peato Mauvaka and lock Cameron Woki. Still they have some very excellent players and for me the must watch live games will be Ireland v France and England v France now that Eddie Jones is in Australia.
Saturday we should be able to make a fast brunch of Everton because I can’t see where their goals are coming from especially if our back line is as solid as they have been all season so far and the front line being in form and on fire. 15:00 (EST) on Friday may FFC do a number on the Chavs as they have just become for me one of the most hated clubs.
FFP was introduced because of their dodgy dealings, the loan criteria was changed because they had an ungodly number of players out on loan, now the change in amortization because of their 8-10 year contracts. If I ever wanted to see a player fail it is Mickey Mudflaps just to stick it to Todd Douche bag and his consortium.
My final predicted 6 nations table this year.
Ireland
England
France
Scotland
Wales
Italy
Junior and my selection for tomorrow
Ramsdale
Tomi – Saliba – Gabs – Zinchenko
ESR – Partey – Trossard
Saka – Eddie -Martinelli
Fullbacks to invert when attacking leaving Trossard and ESR to create chaos in the final third.
Just a small matter of dropping Xhaka.
Supposedly ESR is injured so give Jorginho a run out in RCM to link up with Saka and Eddie.
Trossard at LCM will give Martinelli someone to play off and Zinchenko overlaps.
We needed to strengthen our left attack and Trossard does that perfectly.
Hi Tony
Just a small matter of dropping Xhaka.
And the captain (Ode) of course from your line-up. I think he’ll stick with the usual 11 and bring Trossard on later. I also see Jorginho being given a run-out in lieu of GX as the game wears on. I hope Tets has primed the angriest Swiss person ever (!) that his arse will be meeting the bench after about 70 minutes. If we’re comfortably ahead by that point, he could even swap Jorginho for TP. I guess that’s the point of signing the Italian.
On a separate point, we’ve never had a lot of Italian players have we? Lupoli and that reserve GK Wengo signed (Viviano – had to look it up) and who never played are about the only ones I recall. Anyone got any others? Terry Mancini ought to count with a name like that but doesn’t!
KP—I have a difficult time calling Jorginho an Italian, as he was born in Brazil and didn’t move to Italy until he was at least 15…the fact that he played his international ball with Italy probably had more to do with assurances given/squad depth than anything else…you’re right though, we haven’t really had an Italian of consequence, at least not during my time as a fan, minus bit players like Viviano and Mannone…seems a little odd except for the fact that the Serie A was notorious for locking down their homegrown talent, which made perfect sense in those years when there wasn’t a plethora of player movement and Milan was a top European destination, but less so in more recent years when the standard dropped in the A
on a side note, Tony needs to put down the glue before his lineup predictions(jk), as there’s no way MA would ever sit both Xhaka and Ode, albeit I would be happier than a pig in shit if he could find a way to play Trossard instead of the former…my fear is that Trossard might start to see some starts over Marts, which worries me a bit due to his lack of highend speed
Chelsea starting XI and subs worth £680m compare that to Fulham starting XI and subs about £130m. Nil, Nil sounds about right yo me for Todd Douche Bag. Also glad to see Mickey Mudflaps having not a good game , therefore my 1st wish done and dusted.
Now next wish AFC 3 points against Everton and finally Scotland getting the Calcutta Cup in Sixmass tomorrow.
Hi K’phobe, you’re right we should have put Ode at LCM instead of Jorginho and the injured ESR Junior relayed to me. Was late as Junior has Kone dance practice all weekend, as the show is finally this coming Friday. 6 months they’ve been at it fitting in hours when they can and keeping up their grades or they get kicked out of the school because it’s a university run school to ready the pupils for Uni. Our daughter went there leaving with a 3.78 GPA. Junior has big shoes to fill, but takes it philosophically by saying “I’m not my sister so, I’ll do the best I can. I’ll definitely be above her in some subjects and below with others.”
So this would be our line up:
Ramsdale
Tomi – Saliba – Gabs – Zinchenko
Ode – Partey – Trossard
Saka – Eddie -Martinelli
TRVL, it was a herbaceous evening with the white widow for me, and junior has his finals in 2 weeks, so he’s flat out studying, which saw his brain fried with chemistry and maths I no longer recognise.
Of course, missing out the captain is a serious issue that poor junior will take time to get over being the Virgo he is. Seriously, he is generally strong in his fussy, pedant defense of an opinion he is standing by. He’s had to live with a fully occupied spectrum with our family. Our savant like daughter brooks no quarter being mostly intellectually on the side of the righteous. Junior 10 years younger has learnt painfully where I should add that in this house you have to fight for any stance you have on a position others may feel differently about.
Makes for some really entertaining nights in the family room with our daughter’s friends who are mostly in the medical profession. If they ever need to see anal they need to be to be a doctor, and how it is witnessed by others, they only have to read EmirateStroller on LG.
ES wrote the book on being anal and condescending that so many Doctors appear to have read and practice such art often to perfection. Not in Thailand, though. It’s a business, like in America. If you have a cold you will be prescribed at least 5 different meds and more than you need; it’s for their commissions you see. Then they all have at least one private clinic to more than make ends meet. In the end, they’re business people first and doctors 2nd. Is that a bad thing? Not in my book if their ability to make money doesn’t infringe on their doctoring because of the training and ridiculous hours required for trainee doctors to work.
I know all my Drs well, many have become friends, so I don’t have that problem, they explain and justify whatever meds they give me other than my 6 daily heart and colon meds and I tell them what I need. That said, the medical system private and government is very good and improving all the time to American levels around the country because it’s American investment in all private hospitals bar one chain.
Having had 3 heart attacks, 17 angiograms in 30 years, 5 stents, colon disease in remission and a quintuple heart bypass at 35 you better believe I know what my body needs. I’ve probably read enough on my health issues to be a Dr. The only reason I’m alive is because my heart team in BKK have looked after me for 12 years now, and I finally have an early warning system for heart attacks whereas before they just came from nowhere. Not much fun I can tell you.
A long winded way of explaining why I omitted Ode. I have this weird thinking that the more we humanize ourselves here, the blog and posters becomes more real as people for us to know a little better as time goes on.
Game day and junior and I are very happy with our sporting evening as Mrs Tony is our with her MBA gang who no doubt will end up in the family room playing cards until the early hours like they did at Uni.
19:30 Arsenal vs Everton
21:15 Wales v Ireland 6 Nations (1st half)
22:00 Maunure v Palace (lakonga to score the winner 🙂 )
23:45 England v Scotland 6 Nations and Calcutta Cup
Can’t wait – have a good one lads.
Pumpkin Update:
When you have your morning coffees spare a thought for Pumpkin who went under the knife (we paid extra not to go the 2 bricks route) this morning Thai time. As I write the formaldehyde filled jar with Pumkin’s crown jewels pickling is posing a problem of where to display. Told you my daughter was savant like; she wants them pride off place in the family room wall unit that is styled as a modern loft.
A well lit jar of Pumpkins nuts front and center in the 17 meter wall unit would be some feature to explain to visiting monks. It’s the monks that have named cats Little Buddhas in Thailand. We’ll get over it by donating the shriveling, shrinking pair of Pumpkins bollocks to the temple to have on show for homage and a large money box below.
It’s not only doctors who know how to make money, let me tell ya.
With our daughter presently in Taiwan, so junior could seize the moment make the donation citing the monks couldn’t be denied and get payback for decades of pain all in one go.
Junior and I have elected to choose Mrs T to break the news to our daughter when she gets back.
A sound win tonight will elevate ‘Pumpkin the Ball Less’ to even higher mascot levels with meows in soprano going forward.
Shame because he had a neat tenor meow at times.